PokeMercer
by HobTheRobot
Summary: Alternate to the original chapter posted, less nonsense but still mostly just silly. Alex the Pokemon Trainer is born and the world trembles in terror and laughter.
1. Chapter 1

What did I do to deserve this?

I own nothing.

Alex finds himself in a nonsensical world, he eventually decides that if no one else has to be rational then neither does he.

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><p>Alex Mercer, the most dangerous being on Earth, was jumping from one Chicago rooftop to another, it had been a little over twenty-five years since the Manhattan outbreak. He wasn't really concerned about anyone seeing him, it was a very stormy night, he really felt it would be good to do something to keep his mind off of the fact that, as of four days ago, there wasn't a single person on the planet he could trust, no one who would see something other then a viral monster if they knew what he was, so here he was standing on a forty floor buildings roof looking out over Lake Michigan.<p>

"Five years to deal with the direct results of the outbreak, another two to get Heller to stay in one place long enough to remove the virus and keep him from killing anyone else, six more to finish off Blackwatch and deal with Pariah, still can't believe he wasn't planning revenge or something." Alex glanced at an eagle perched on a rooftop a block away. "Can't fly yet, no bird on Earth has got the right sort of wings, and I'm still too heavy, have to work on that."

Seven years earlier Dana had suggested he get a hobby, he hadn't really seen the point but he tried anyway. At first nothing seemed to hold his interest, but then he remembered how much he enjoyed flying stolen Blackwatch helicopters, Dana thought he meant he was going to start stealing aircraft again when he mentioned it, she calmed down when he told her about eating the crow after the nuke went off, for a few moments he was light enough to fly under his own power, now he wondered if he could find a way to do it without being reduced to a puddle first. He had consumed every type of bird he could find since then, but he still couldn't fly, he hadn't given up on it, but he was taking a break for the time being.

"Wonder what would happen if I ate a shark? Maybe a whale would be better, have to look into that" Alex still couldn't swim, again he was just too heavy. Alex sighed and dropped off the edge of the building, he didn't really care if anyone saw him land, not like there was anything they could do about it, he wasn't planning on sticking around the city much longer anyway. The next thing he knew there was a flash of light, he remembered seeing the sky seem to crack, the light was definitely lightning, the bolt struck him right in the chest, he lost more mass then what comprised the average sumo wrestler from the hit, it was a really big lightning bolt, the heat was the last thing he remembered before blacking out.

"Argh! Alright, I guess I can add the sky to the list of things that hate me. That hurt, a lot." Alex pushed himself to his feet. "So I guess you're all wondering how I survived that?" He looked around expecting to see a crowd of curious vultures taking pleasure in the fact that something horrible had happened to someone else, what he saw were trees, some grass, a dirt road, a few flowers here and there, but not a human anywhere, or the city he should have been in for that matter. "Alright, so instead of frying me like it would a human, lightning teleports me? Okay, sure. Why not? It's not like that's any stranger then what I am to begin with, definitely not the weirdest thing I've ever seen. So now where am I?"

Alex hadn't even switched to thermal vision when something hit him in the back of the head, it felt like a fist. Alex spun around and shifted to Armor and Claws, the thing that had attacked him was the most ridiculous being he had ever seen, up to date anyway, it was humanoid, but it had blue skin, exaggerated muscles, an absolutely stupid looking face, and looked for all the world like a parody of some pro-wrestler. The thing made some odd noise and tried to hit him again, it seemed to be territorial, Alex really didn't care, he punted the stupid thing as far as he could, then he stared as it flew into the sky and vanished with a slight lens-flare effect, and he could have sworn he heard an odd sound that made him think "Gleam!"

"What the hell?"

Alex had several more odd encounters with even stranger creatures, which he hadn't thought was possible, before he reached a city. Alex didn't stay long, just long enough to be accused of being a "Suspicious Person" because he was within twenty miles of a theft that had occurred days earlier and the officer doing the accusing had never seen him before. He had similar odd meetings over the next few days, now he had come to a third city, and now he had had enough.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Alex whispered this, but managed to roar it at the same time. "How does that even make any sense! His pet beat your pet, so that means he gets off scott free even though everyone here saw him rob that grocery store? And who robs a grocery store for money anyway? A bank I could understand, but a grocery store? What is wrong with you people!"

"What are you talking about? He won fair and square, I can't arrest him for that." Officer Jenny couldn't understand what this man found so strange, this was how things had always worked.

Alex just stared blankly at the woman in front of him, it did not escape his notice that he had seen the exact same woman in the other two cities he had been to, and she wasn't the only one either, there was that Joy woman as well, how could anyone, even identical triplets, be so alike, but there was no other explanation, there was no way the women could get around faster then him, he had covered the distance between the cities far quicker then anyone else could have unless they were in a jet, and he hadn't seen an airplane of any sort since arriving in this obsured place.

"Alright. Fine. You win! You happy now!" Alex turned and stalked off down the street shouting at the sky. "I give up, okay? If no one else cares how weird this place is then who am I to argue. I get it, 'Life gives you lemons' and all that right." Alex sprinted off down the street, morphing to Armor and Dual Blades while in motion, he added a mouth to the armor while he was at it. "I'm Gonna Make the Best Damn Lemonade Anyone Has Ever Tasted! You Hear That? This is Your Fault! I Will Not be Held Responsible for What Happens from Here On Out!"

Alex dashed off into the wilderness. Months later people still had trouble finding Pokemon in that area that did not seem traumatized.

Alex smiled, it had been three months since his arrival in this stupid place, but now he was sure that even if he went home and ended up back in the middle of Manhattan during the outbreak, as long as he kept the abilities he had gained no one would be able to stop him. "Let's see Cross survive a Hyper Beam to the face at close range. Or how about a full power Flame Thrower down an Infected street, that could be fun." The twenty foot tall armored figure spread all eight of his wings and took off, leaving yet another patch of forest full of Pokemon who were shaking in pure terror.

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><p><em>So, what do you think? How messed up would that be? Alex with the powers of most of the original 150 pokemon, and a good number of the second set besides. What kind of horrors would ensue if he started eating the Legendary Pokemon?<em>

_You have to keep in mind that Alex would always be in "If this hits you, you die" mode, he wouldn't be using the comedic versions of the attacks, if he starts firing beams that would destroy a city block logically, then that's what happens, if he wants someone dead, then that's what happens, none of that stupid "Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to coat you in a thin layer of ash and make you a little dizzy" garbage._

I just thought this would be interesting, the pokemon either have the powers inherently as a genetic trait, or they learn them, that means that Alex could take those powers for himself no matter what. If it's learned, it belongs to Mercer. If it's genetic, it belongs to Mercer.

If Alex ate three of every pokemon, would there be anything in that world that could stop him? The virus would write out their weaknesses and improve their strengths, since he isn't a pokemon he couldn't be captured, and with all of these new powers would even the most powerful legendary pokemon be a threat to him?

I was thinking that Alex does quite well in serious situations, but how would he handle a nonsense world like pokemon? There are already two crossovers in this category, but I didn't really like what I saw, it seemed forced, this is just "Alex gets dumped in the middle of loony land and doesn't know what's going on." Why would Alex assume that something that looks nothing like an Infected was one? The point of a story like this should be how long it takes for Alex to snap and decide that he just doesn't care what makes sense anymore and just go with the flow, in the case of the Blacklight Virus, going with the flow means consuming a good number of every living thing it comes in contact with.

So if anyone wanted to move this story further, then go right ahead, that's why I post things. I'm not a very good writer in my own opinion, maybe I'm wrong, so I just want to give other people ideas and see what they come up with. On the note of giving people ideas, please check out the other things I have posted, if you haven't already, and if you have the time review them, I want to know what other people think of my ideas. Also, if it wouldn't be to much trouble, try to get others to check out the things I've posted to if you can.

Hob the Master Robot


	2. Chapter 2

I Own Nothing.

**Alternate to the original chapter. Suffering writers block at the moment and hoping something simple and silly will help.**

"Argh! Alright, I guess I can add the sky to the list of things that hate me. That hurt, a lot." Alex pushed himself to his feet. "So anyone wondering how I survived that?" He looked around expecting to see a crowd of curious vultures taking pleasure in the fact that something horrible had happened to someone else, what he saw were trees, some grass, a dirt road, a few flowers here and there, but not a human anywhere, or the city he should have been in for that matter. "Alright, so instead of frying me like it would a human, lightning teleports me? Okay, sure. Why not? It's not like that's any stranger then what I am to begin with, definitely not the weirdest thing I've ever seen. So now where am I?

Alex turned and raised an eyebrow at the human who had apparently been trying to sneak up on him. The man was dressed in black mostly the only color on his outfit a red 'R' on his shirt, he was wearing a mask that only covered his eyes.

_"Old style movie bank robber?"_ Alex would have laughed if he thought it was worth the time and concentration it would take.

The man, upon realizing he had been spotted, jumped back and posed in what was supposed to be an intimidating manner. "Hand over your Pokemon and maybe I'll let you go!"

Alex heard the man stutter when he said 'I'll' and looked around with Thermal Vision, there were two others hiding in the bushes nearby. "What the hell's a Pokemon?"

The man suddenly crashed to the ground, his 'hidden' comrades doing the same, before quickly leaping back to his feet and shouting. "What do mean 'What's a Pokemon?'"

"I said what the hell's a Pokemon, at least repeat me right." Alex decided the man and his fellow goons weren't worth dealing with any further and started walking away.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" Alex responded to the tone and threatening posture the man had taken with a mass of tendrils extending from his arm and impaling the man. He rolled his eyes at the overly dramatic reactions of the other two before dragging the dying human to him to be consumed. The remaining men began to run and since Alex didn't feel like letting word of his location getting around he shifted both arms to Whip Fist and caught both men and consumed them as well.

The viral monster stood still for a moment before nine small tendrils extended from his back, each holding a small sphere that he now knew were called Poke-balls and that they were used to capture and transport super powered monsters as pets who could be used in official gladiator style battles.

"You've got to be kidding." Alex groaned and looked up. "Seriously? And I did what to deserve being dumped in this place? And now I'm talking to the sky, or god, or whatever." A quick analysis of himself based on the memories of several psychologists and psychiatrists confirmed that he was insane. "Guess this is normal then, okay, let's see if these things will realize I'm not their owners.

Quickly morphing from one of the men to the other Alex confirmed that the Pokemon could indeed tell that he wasn't who he appeared to be, he dealt with their attempts at harming him by eating them. The fact that all three men had had the same Pokemon meant that all Alex got out of it was the abilities of Rattata, Beedrill, and Spearow, with the exception of Spearow and Beedrills' ability to fly, he was quite annoyed to find that he was still to heavy to attempt flight despite how little these creatures apparently had to adhere to the laws of physics.

"Now what?" Alex glanced around, unsure what to do. "I guess this isn't that different, didn't know what to do back on...my Earth, don't know what to do here." A sinister smile split the crime against natures face. "I guess I can try this out, it'll be interesting if nothing else."

**Three Days Later.**

It had taken longer then he would have liked, choosing not to eat anyone had slowed things considerably, but he was now officially a Pokemon Trainer, he had everything he would need except a Pokemon which is why he was currently scanning the area for heat signatures.

"Aha! Charmander from the shape and temperature, guess I'll start with that." Alex took a few minutes to calculate exactly how much force it would take to seriously harm the creature without killing or maiming it. The kick he delivered to the small lizards head sent it tumbling across the ground and left it barely concious, one toss later and it was captured and contained.

"Alright, now to find another one." One hour later Alex had captured two more Charmander and a Squirtle. His goal was ten of each of the three starters for the region but he instantly detoured when he saw a Fearow flying in the distance.

A random Trainer was later found wondering the forest babbling about tentacles and monsters eating Fearow out in the wilderness. Alex tracked the first bird a good distance before finding an area where that particular type seemed to like nesting, after that it was easy to bring down and consume three of the large birds.

Alex sifted through the genetic codes of the birds and began mentally redesigning himself based on the new gene structures, when he was ready he applied the theory to reality and, with some noticeable effort since he had never done it before, grew a massive pair of black and red feathered wings from his back.

"Alright then, let's see if this works." The genetic nightmare crouched and raised his new wings while preparing to jump full force straight up, he applied the same amount of force he was putting into his jump to the strength of his wings downbeat. The Blacklight Virus shot more then one-hundred feet into the air before diving slightly and spreading his wings, the new appendages combined with his original glide ability allowed for fairly easy flight.

"Now this should make things a bit easier." Sinister smirk firmly plastered to his face, Alex soared through the air and quickly spotted a Bulbasaur on the ground below, and with the same skill displayed by the birds of prey he had recently consumed the monster was easily able to swoop down and capture the plant-like animal after a solid hit to its' head rendered it unconscious.

**Short but it helped me past the bit of writers block I was dealing with, I do plan on doing more of these since they're amusing to me if nothing else but I wouldn't expect it to happen to often. I'm not a fan of Pokemon to be honest, but I don't hate it or anything and it makes a good place to send characters that would be comically out of place in that universe.**

**Hob the Robot.**


End file.
